Electricity- First Date Powercut
Today has been a day of power cuts, evaluation and appreciation. Waking up bereft of my alarm, with no coffee, telephone or email I found myself contemplating electricity both in respect to my material possessions and within our relationships.
Interestingly this week has seen an influx of TV adverts plugging e harmony, the emphasis being on mutual interests, compatibility and shelling out considerable money to their computer matchmaking. My feeling on e harmony is that it will be akin to the numerous jobsites, which invariably match you on key words and spew forth positions you are not interested in.
The problem e harmony, internet dating sites and bespoke matchmaking sites all have is that electricity is hard to pinpoint, difficult to see and if it’s missing very hard to do without.
Those little impulses are tantamount to first date happiness, when we feel that spark we are more attentive, our body language becomes mirrored and we unconsciously look to highlight our bodies to attract our date. A first date without electric is a kettle unplugged, you can prepare it, you can push all the right buttons but without that current you will get no heat.
Online dating sites are perhaps misleading as the photographs can be appealing, large eyes on women or strong jaw lines in men, with a mixture of camera trickery and angle you can look very different in person than online. Men in particular tend to post terrible photos through a mixture of laziness and ego. Women are more likely to spend time, makeup and sometimes money on getting their best possible photo. On the plus side if you have electricity, spark and chemistry you have the makings of an exciting new relationship.
So today I have worked around the lack of electric, I have swept instead of hovering, charged the mobile by driving and been out for coffee; but what do you do if the spark is missing from your first date?
My advice for dates which lack spark? Don’t try and make one, if you don’t feel an attraction be kind but be honest. Compliment your date on her/his appearance but gently suggest that as you obviously get on so well you would love to become friends. If you have reached first date chances are you have common interests, you are good company and you have not previously met.
If you really can’t bring yourself to be honest on your date, the best thing to do is take the time after you get home to write some great things about your date then when you take the time to call her/him you can highlight all their good points prior to requesting friendship.
If you are honest, positive and genuine first dates are never a disaster. Timing is of course important; letting someone down gently must be done within 48 hours. If you leave it longer your date will think you are being evasive. Once the boundaries are set to friendship, remaining within set boundaries and not blurring into further dates.
Some of the worst first dates can be rescued to being the best friendships. There is no harm and great benefit to increasing your social circle. I often find that if I have matched two people and they haven’t had chemistry they have gone on to find love through their new extended network of friends.