Why Americans need closure and Brits need composure
Closure is such an American idea, when a relationship is over to move on they feel the need to know every last thing that went wrong, to dissect it and pull over the remains , kicking up a huge dust storm of emotions so they can then close the door on it. I think Americans have the freedom to request closure because they have the geographical space to avoid the dust storm of their creation.
The British stiff upper lip gets its criticism but I feel it’s integral to who we are and how we live. Our population is beginning to become more transient but we are still in effect a small island. Short of jumping into the sea trying to avoid ex partners or their entourage is fraught.
I understand when things end we often want to know why? Programmes like Jeremy Kyle are popular for their confrontations and depth of emotional response. Programmes like these and American programmes similar to them normalise confrontations. Jeremy Kyle guests have full counselling offered and a “team” to deal with the storm that is released, the normal British man or woman will not have the support, time or finances to calm the storm.
I love the British composure, we are not a cold nation, and we are warm, funny and receptive. Over the last ten years we have seen a rise in “chav” behaviour , a rise in reality TV shows and a rise in sensationalist weekly magazines. I think elegance, respect and composure need to make come back.
For me it is not acceptable to hound ex partners and their families, it isn’t right to argue in public or in front of impressionable children. We can have emotions and retain our integrity. Most adults by their thirties have had previous relationships, possibly been married almost certainly had sexual relations. We all have baggage, what we need to do is avoid hitting each other over the heads with it.
If a relationship runs it’s course and you “need” to know why to move on, respect the answer your ex gives you. Try to turn it into a positive. Gently ease the door shut on that chapter of your life and doesn’t open it a crack to shout abuse, pick fault or proportion blame.